Judgement is about you

Photo by Robert Ruggiero on Unsplash

Judgement: A decision we make for ourselves

I’ve judged and been judged…

As a person who has been judged and has judged, I can tell you, both suck. I’ve learned to accept a judgment from someone as an indicator of their own issues whether based in an antiquated belief system or a desire to be as free as I appear to be. What I once internalized and personalized and thought myself unworthy, I now let flow right on by.

Having judged, I still remember a few times when I was straight up judge-y and it had no basis in anything but a misguided standard of looks or quality. Yes, there was a time I was far more closed-minded and I am so thankful to have been opened and humbled!

Definitions are neutral

Judgement as defined by the interwebs states that it is the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. The context sentence it uses is “an error in judgment.” I find this interesting because no where does it say that we are to make decisions for other people. It doesn’t say a sensible conclusion is universal. It doesn’t even imply these things and yet, we have appropriated this – and so many other words – to justify ourselves.

What do I mean?

We use our own personal experiences, beliefs and thoughts to judge another as good or bad. We do this regarding appearance, economic status, relationships, orientation, religion and politics, to name a few. If someone does not believe or act or live exactly as we do, then they are deemed bad or wrong. But the catch is, the way we should be judging another person is by asking if what they are doing is bad or wrong FOR US. Their life is neither good or bad, it just is, and for us to decide for them is the true error in judgment.

Hugs, they are a thing

It’s not for me to understand, it’s for me to respect

I can give examples from my life, because I am the expert in all things Rina… And you may laugh at this example, but personal space is a thing that absolutely needs to be respected. Anyway, I love hugs. I’m not sure why I haven’t donned a Free Hugs shirt and gone to stand at the local market yet… And not everyone loves to receive a hug. In fact, some people have a very visceral reaction to the idea of hugging. I don’t know why. It’s not for me to understand, it’s for me to respect. It’s also not for me to decide that because someone doesn’t like hugs they are in some way wrong, defective or bad. It’s for me to respect.  How else can I say this? Another person’s life is not for me to decide is wrong for them, it’s for me to respect. Plain and simple.

Another person’s life is not for me to decide is wrong for them, it’s for me to respect.

Now, replace hug with any other thing you might try to judge a person on. And then tell yourself, it’s for me to respect.

If the idea of not judging someone based on something you are passionate about seems overwhelming, start with something smaller. Politics and religion are incredible hot points, so I’m going to avoid them for my own benefit, but eventually I would love it if we could all get to a place in which we looked at another person of any race, religion, affiliation and orientation and be able to say “It’s not for me to decide, it’s for me to respect.” Until then, let’s work on smaller things. Maybe start with clothing style, hair color, profession, swear words, choice of beverages, diet, exercise, vehicles, vacation spots, tattoos and piercings, just to name a few.

With Gratitude,

Rina Jensen

Rina is a Business Resiliency Coach, Super Connector, Speaker and Small Business Advocate. She works with small business owners to overcome fear, set boundaries and stop the emotional attachments to expectations. To learn more, connect with her.

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